So it has been quite a few days since my last post and I wish I could just say it has been because I have been procrastinating. Unfortunately, this past week has been so mentally and physically taxing due to migraines and as a result increased depression and urges to binge.
With regards to migraines, the one positive I have had is that my Topamax is causing my migraines to not come on as strong as fast. However, they are still occurring quite frequently. While I understand that today is still not over, today is the only day this week I have not had a migraine. Also, I have begun to realize that one of my new triggers is loud noises. More specifically, Kieran has begun to really develop his personality and voice. When he wants something, is frustrated, tired, or crabby he is beginning to scream at the top of his lungs or get extremely loud. A perfect example is yesterday I had a headache for a good portion of the day but was able to finally get it to go away. However, later in the day, Kieran and I were running some errands and he started just screaming in the back of the car for whatever reason and I could literally feel my head just tighten up and the headache pain startup. By the time we got home I was in full blown migraine mode and had to do yet another one of my injections. While I am trying to stay positive that my migraines are not getting as severe as before, I am still getting frustrated as hell at having more days than not having to be in pain. Second, I am struggling with trying to figure out how to cope with when Kieran does his screaming because I obviously can't avoid my son. Only time will tell I guess.
On the binge eating side of things, the urges have been persistent with averaging about twice per day. However, I have been following what my nutritionist recommended with eating high protein meals for breakfast every morning instead of eating cereal. So I have been eating at least a couple eggs with cheese and some bacon. By doing this, it has allowed me to keep the intensity of the cravings reduced significantly. Also, I have found that the Topamax that I have been taking for my migraines have been starting to reduce my hunger cravings as well. Specifically, when I go to eat my meals, I can't stand to eat nowhere near the portions I used to before. While I look to this as another positive, I don't view this as a permanent future solution as I would rather be able to control my portion sizes naturally instead of with the use of medicines.
As a resource to leave you all with, I leave you with another song that I have used for inspiration to get me through tough times. I have also used a music video that was created to go along with this song as well. I hope you enjoy.
As always, thank you all for your support.
Danny Gokey - Hope In Front Of Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nL_9FB8pic
In hopes to create more awareness around the struggles of eating disorders and migraines, I have chosen to document my journey through treatment and recovery as I struggle through binge eating disorder and crippling migraines.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
July 22nd - Ready To Make Some Changes
Hey everyone, I know it has been a little longer between posts than my previous ones but since being back from vacation it has been difficult to get back into the swing of things. That being said, things on the migraine front have been pretty much business as usual having about as frequent as before I saw my specialist, however I have noticed they are not getting as intense. This I have been thankful so that I could be more functional around the house and whatnot. Today is when I increase my Topamax dose so we will see over the next week if I continue to notice some improvement.
I would have to say that there have been more developments on the binge eating side of things than the migraine side. After getting back from vacation, and in preparation for my appointment with my therapist at the eating disorder clinic; I reflected on how my eating habits were throughout all last week. What I came to realize is that while most days we had eggs with bacon in them and I probably about at least 2 servings worth, my eating throughout the rest of the day was much more subdued. There were definitely points throughout the day where I had urges to want to binge. However, those binges only last for about 3-4 small little "100 calorie" size snack bags of fruit snacks or crackers until I felt way to full to eat anything else. This I was definitely excited for and took as another small little victory. I also noticed that when most of my binges occurred on vacation was when high stress situations occurred around family issues while we were at the cabin and I had access to my stash of food. These situations were certainly nothing major but I could just start feeling my anxiety climbing and thats when I felt the urge to eat a ton of food. Then when my appointment came yesterday with my therapist, aside from reviewing how my week on vacation went, we also discussed the recommendations of my headache specialist to cutout caffeine entirely as well as artificial sweeteners (ex. aspartame) to hopefully reduce triggers. To try and head in this direction, we decided on a gameplan of allowing myself 4 20oz bottles of pop throughout the day (or equivalent). After two weeks, I would reduce this amount by 1 bottle and keep doing this every two weeks to try and slowly wean off the caffeine and hopefully avoid feeling restricted.
Overall, I think I am definitely headed on the right track to recovery and will get both my binge eating and migraines under control and lead a healthy lifestyle into the future.
To close this blog off, I will leave a tip primarily directed to those who are struggling with eating disorders or would like to keep in touch mentally with their eating habits. I have found an app (I have an iPhone but there may be same version on Android as well) called "Rise Up". This app will allow you to log your meals for the day in a much broader fashion than most "meal log apps". Rise Up has you log basically a description of what you ate (4 bowls of cinnamon toast crunch) and then where and when you ate it and how were you feeling around that time. This has helped both me and my eating disorder team see the patterns both in my binges and my eating throughout the day to try and better manage my meal intakes to give me a more balanced nutrient and portion intake throughout the day. Overall a very good app.
Thanks again everyone for the support.
I would have to say that there have been more developments on the binge eating side of things than the migraine side. After getting back from vacation, and in preparation for my appointment with my therapist at the eating disorder clinic; I reflected on how my eating habits were throughout all last week. What I came to realize is that while most days we had eggs with bacon in them and I probably about at least 2 servings worth, my eating throughout the rest of the day was much more subdued. There were definitely points throughout the day where I had urges to want to binge. However, those binges only last for about 3-4 small little "100 calorie" size snack bags of fruit snacks or crackers until I felt way to full to eat anything else. This I was definitely excited for and took as another small little victory. I also noticed that when most of my binges occurred on vacation was when high stress situations occurred around family issues while we were at the cabin and I had access to my stash of food. These situations were certainly nothing major but I could just start feeling my anxiety climbing and thats when I felt the urge to eat a ton of food. Then when my appointment came yesterday with my therapist, aside from reviewing how my week on vacation went, we also discussed the recommendations of my headache specialist to cutout caffeine entirely as well as artificial sweeteners (ex. aspartame) to hopefully reduce triggers. To try and head in this direction, we decided on a gameplan of allowing myself 4 20oz bottles of pop throughout the day (or equivalent). After two weeks, I would reduce this amount by 1 bottle and keep doing this every two weeks to try and slowly wean off the caffeine and hopefully avoid feeling restricted.
Overall, I think I am definitely headed on the right track to recovery and will get both my binge eating and migraines under control and lead a healthy lifestyle into the future.
To close this blog off, I will leave a tip primarily directed to those who are struggling with eating disorders or would like to keep in touch mentally with their eating habits. I have found an app (I have an iPhone but there may be same version on Android as well) called "Rise Up". This app will allow you to log your meals for the day in a much broader fashion than most "meal log apps". Rise Up has you log basically a description of what you ate (4 bowls of cinnamon toast crunch) and then where and when you ate it and how were you feeling around that time. This has helped both me and my eating disorder team see the patterns both in my binges and my eating throughout the day to try and better manage my meal intakes to give me a more balanced nutrient and portion intake throughout the day. Overall a very good app.
Thanks again everyone for the support.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
July 18th - One Step Forward, One Step Back
While I have been able to have some success in fighting through binges, it has still been difficult and mentally taxing. Even while using some of my new meditation techniques to work through my urges to binge, they are still as strong as ever and all I want to do is find any food in sight and shove it in my mouth.
Unfortunately, I woke up with a migraine yesterday morning and used my new DHE injection and Aleve. Thankfully it worked well except that I forgot that the headache specialist told me to take my Zofran 15 minutes before the injection because the DHE has a tendency to cause nausea. So I wound up actually having a nauseated feeling for most of the day. Other than that episode yesterday, I have been without a migraine since then.
As a result of the nauseated feeling and stress from the migraine, I wound up having frequent and strong urges to binge all day yesterday. One thing that I have found that has consistently helped to cause me to feel fuller much quicker during binges is we have had eggs and bacon most of the mornings on vacation and I have had quite a bit each morning. This has allowed my stomach to take longer to digest the food and stay fuller longer. When I get the binge urges, I have actually been consuming maybe half of what I used to eat. That being said though, yesterday I had about 3 times where I had the crazy "shove my mouth with food" feeling and twice I was not able to fight through it and caved into the urge because of the intensity. I feel good that I am able to work through some of the urges but I also am beginning to get this feeling that I can't be expected to go through life being in torture each time I get a binge urge to fight with myself and not eat. I also don't know why, but today I am having quite a feeling of being depressed in general. I have been trying to reflect and pinpoint where it is coming from or what the root source is but I can't figure it out. I suppose just trying to figure out and not being able to is just making things worse. Overall, still trying to stay positive and use every small victory to help me carry through to the next.
As far as a coping tip to leave you with, I give you the first of many songs that I have found that relate to the emotions I have been feeling as well as them serving as motivation to keep pushing on to keep faith that things will get better. This song actually has two versions. One version is sung by the christian group Philips, Craig, and Dean. The other version of the song is sung by Danny Gokey who was a 3rd place runner up contestant on one of the more recent seasons of American Idol. I hope you enjoy the songs and can relate to their message as well.
Tell Your Heart To Beat Again by Philips, Craig, and Dean
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_iKP5jdTxQ
Tell Your Heart To Beat Again by Danny Gokey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcnIJYkgVS8
Thursday, July 16, 2015
July 16th - Optimistic Future
Even though I had to interrupt my vacation yesterday to drive down to the Twin Cities for a 5 hour appointment with a headache specialist team, I am extremely optimistic that my future of headache relief is looking much better. To help reduce the frequency and intensity of the migraines, I was prescribed Topamax which is an anticonvulsant medication that also works well with migraines. Also, the specialist said that due to my history with binge eating disorder, the Topamax has a side effect of "weight loss" or "decreased appetite". While I still need to work on controlling my urges without the use of medications, I am happy to know that I will have some added help to hopefully reduce the amount of food I am consuming and slow my weight gain. For my acute treatment to use when getting a headache, I was switched off of Imitrex and prescribed dihydroergotamine (DHE) to be also taken with 3 tablets of regular strength Aleve. If all else fails from the 3 injections of DHE I can do then I was also prescribed Toradal which is typically what I would get when I would have to go to the emergency room when everything else I had tried would not work. This I am very thankful for because this should hopefully keep me out of the emergency room and save money and the stress of being there.
As far as an update I am so far I am 42 hours without a migraine and have been able to finally enjoy some time on vacation. We all have a laugh at how big the bag of stuff was I got from the pharmacy due to all the syringes and sharps container and everything. Overall from the perspective of my migraines, it has been a good last couple days.
On the other side of things with my binge eating, I have actually been doing pretty good there. I am still averaging about 1-2 episodes of wanting to binge which usually is preceded by something stressful occurring around the cabin. However, when I am getting the binge urges, it is feeling a little easier to ride through the wave and if anything, eat a few packs of "100 calorie" size snacks out of by "binge food bag". My binge food bag is something I have brought with me on any out of town outing I have gone on which is basically a backpack filled with a cornacopia of various snacks that I like to binge on.
All in all I am building off of the positivity of the little victories I am having and grasping onto any coping techniques that I am doing that is successful.
One thing I am finding that has given me success in staying strong and keeping hope up that things will get better is reciting every morning The Serenity Prayer which states:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". This prayer is often used in addiction counseling but also has conotation in so many other areas of life. As I am progressing through my journey of binge eating recovery and migraine relief, I have realized that I need to realize there are things I can't control or change but the things I can change I must stay strong and keep up hope to know things will get better.
Thank you all again for reading my blog and the kind words you have all passed on to me. Your support has been amazing and has only strengthened my resolve to push forward.
As far as an update I am so far I am 42 hours without a migraine and have been able to finally enjoy some time on vacation. We all have a laugh at how big the bag of stuff was I got from the pharmacy due to all the syringes and sharps container and everything. Overall from the perspective of my migraines, it has been a good last couple days.
On the other side of things with my binge eating, I have actually been doing pretty good there. I am still averaging about 1-2 episodes of wanting to binge which usually is preceded by something stressful occurring around the cabin. However, when I am getting the binge urges, it is feeling a little easier to ride through the wave and if anything, eat a few packs of "100 calorie" size snacks out of by "binge food bag". My binge food bag is something I have brought with me on any out of town outing I have gone on which is basically a backpack filled with a cornacopia of various snacks that I like to binge on.
All in all I am building off of the positivity of the little victories I am having and grasping onto any coping techniques that I am doing that is successful.
One thing I am finding that has given me success in staying strong and keeping hope up that things will get better is reciting every morning The Serenity Prayer which states:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". This prayer is often used in addiction counseling but also has conotation in so many other areas of life. As I am progressing through my journey of binge eating recovery and migraine relief, I have realized that I need to realize there are things I can't control or change but the things I can change I must stay strong and keep up hope to know things will get better.
Thank you all again for reading my blog and the kind words you have all passed on to me. Your support has been amazing and has only strengthened my resolve to push forward.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
July 13th- Trying to stay strong
Today was perhaps the most difficult day I have ever had to deal with migraines and my binge eating. To start the morning I woke up immediately with a full blown migraine which thankfully I was able to get under control with an Imitrex tab and a couple more hours of sleep. However, maybe a couple hours after my headache went away, I had yet another one start up and took my second and final Imitrex for the day. The thing I really hate about taking my Imitrex tabs is that when I get maxed out earlier in the day, I wind up having this dazed almost foggy feeling all over. Sometimes it causes me to be a little slow in processing what I am trying to think or work through a problem or question. Any way, this second migraine lasted about 2-3 hours which took me into about 2pm. To try and get the "foggy" feeling to go away, I decided to lay down and rest for a little bit. Unfortunately, I got to wake up to my third migraine for the day. Hoping for a miracle, I decided to take a couple extra strength Tylenol which thankfully caught the headache early enough and I was able to end the day without a headache.
As far as my binge eating for the day, I started out going out to breakfast with Catie and her mom and decided try what my nutritionist suggested and have a breakfast with more protein than just having several bowls of cereal which is what I usually have in the mornings. That being said, I had country fried steak with the gravy along with some of Catie's french toast and some hash browns. While it tasted good, I still felt myself wanting even more food. I decided to try and let the feeling to binge come and think about other things to distract me from the intense thoughts of eating food. Thankfully, because I was not around any other food I could get my hands on I was able to ride out the urge to binge. Trying to ride out this urge I swear felt like one of the hardest things I have tried to do in a long time and felt pretty close to a form of torture. After breakfast, Catie, her mom, and I went out to go in to Brainerd/Baxter and get a few things at Target. While at Target we stopped in the Starbucks and all I could focus on while my drink was being made was ordering just about any pastry/treat that was in the food display. I kept feeling the urge to build more and more and more until finally my drink was done and I literally stopped at the pick-up station with my hand on my drink quarreling in my mind over whether or not to order some kind of pastry. Thankfully I was able to fight through this and walk away. I didn't have any other urges for the remainder of being out and about. Once we got back to the cabin however in the middle of my second migraine, all I wanted to do was to have a break and find any way to take the edge off of being depressed and frustrated from my headaches. Before laying down, I went into my "snack pack" and began to eat what wound up being 3 snack size Pringle packs, 4 packs of fruit snacks, 4 packs of cheese crackers, 1 sandwich bag size of Cheese-Its and 6 small brownie bites from Sam's Club. Of course I didn't feel any better, if not worse, because my stomach was now overly full and began to give me the all to familiar nauseated feeling. Plus, this only made my migraines worse. I couldn't help but feel ashamed and depressed that I was not able to stay strong and not cave into the urge to binge. After sleeping for awhile, I was able to focus on cooking dinner and read my book for awhile. This actually went well even tough I had nothing but food in front of me while grilling. Once I sat down to eat dinner though, it was a different story. I was able to maintain my goal of eating just a hamburger and a brat. But, once I started eating the cut-up watermelon, I felt the feeling of it tasting good and only making me feel the urge to want to binge begin to kick in once again. I wound up eating about 5 servings of watermelon and then once inside the cabin about 3/4 of a bag of chips. Once I began to feel even a remote feeling of Kieran needing to get changed, I was able to immediately stop binging and focus on other things. For the remainder of the evening I was able to focus solely on playing a game with the family.
Like I said earlier, today was probably the most difficult day (migraine wise) I have ever had to experiencing with my migraines or even my bingeing. Due to my initial post, many people have commented on trying some other techniques such as relaxing breathing, music, and medications. In order to not let the migraines and binging get the best of me, I was able to use my next coping skill to suggest for you all. That technique is called guided imagery. By thinking about an environment that I can rely on to bring happiness and joy if I were able to be there. Guided imagery has oddly enough only worked on certain days and to a limited effect with the migraines. Whether it be for binge eating or other issues, guided imagery is my suggestion for you all to try as a coping mechanism for your fishing lisence.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post and I look forward to hearing/reading any comments that you may have to help me improve the blog. Thanks again everyone and I appreciate all the positive energy and encouragement you have always provided me and continue to provide me to this day. Thanks again.
As far as my binge eating for the day, I started out going out to breakfast with Catie and her mom and decided try what my nutritionist suggested and have a breakfast with more protein than just having several bowls of cereal which is what I usually have in the mornings. That being said, I had country fried steak with the gravy along with some of Catie's french toast and some hash browns. While it tasted good, I still felt myself wanting even more food. I decided to try and let the feeling to binge come and think about other things to distract me from the intense thoughts of eating food. Thankfully, because I was not around any other food I could get my hands on I was able to ride out the urge to binge. Trying to ride out this urge I swear felt like one of the hardest things I have tried to do in a long time and felt pretty close to a form of torture. After breakfast, Catie, her mom, and I went out to go in to Brainerd/Baxter and get a few things at Target. While at Target we stopped in the Starbucks and all I could focus on while my drink was being made was ordering just about any pastry/treat that was in the food display. I kept feeling the urge to build more and more and more until finally my drink was done and I literally stopped at the pick-up station with my hand on my drink quarreling in my mind over whether or not to order some kind of pastry. Thankfully I was able to fight through this and walk away. I didn't have any other urges for the remainder of being out and about. Once we got back to the cabin however in the middle of my second migraine, all I wanted to do was to have a break and find any way to take the edge off of being depressed and frustrated from my headaches. Before laying down, I went into my "snack pack" and began to eat what wound up being 3 snack size Pringle packs, 4 packs of fruit snacks, 4 packs of cheese crackers, 1 sandwich bag size of Cheese-Its and 6 small brownie bites from Sam's Club. Of course I didn't feel any better, if not worse, because my stomach was now overly full and began to give me the all to familiar nauseated feeling. Plus, this only made my migraines worse. I couldn't help but feel ashamed and depressed that I was not able to stay strong and not cave into the urge to binge. After sleeping for awhile, I was able to focus on cooking dinner and read my book for awhile. This actually went well even tough I had nothing but food in front of me while grilling. Once I sat down to eat dinner though, it was a different story. I was able to maintain my goal of eating just a hamburger and a brat. But, once I started eating the cut-up watermelon, I felt the feeling of it tasting good and only making me feel the urge to want to binge begin to kick in once again. I wound up eating about 5 servings of watermelon and then once inside the cabin about 3/4 of a bag of chips. Once I began to feel even a remote feeling of Kieran needing to get changed, I was able to immediately stop binging and focus on other things. For the remainder of the evening I was able to focus solely on playing a game with the family.
Like I said earlier, today was probably the most difficult day (migraine wise) I have ever had to experiencing with my migraines or even my bingeing. Due to my initial post, many people have commented on trying some other techniques such as relaxing breathing, music, and medications. In order to not let the migraines and binging get the best of me, I was able to use my next coping skill to suggest for you all. That technique is called guided imagery. By thinking about an environment that I can rely on to bring happiness and joy if I were able to be there. Guided imagery has oddly enough only worked on certain days and to a limited effect with the migraines. Whether it be for binge eating or other issues, guided imagery is my suggestion for you all to try as a coping mechanism for your fishing lisence.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post and I look forward to hearing/reading any comments that you may have to help me improve the blog. Thanks again everyone and I appreciate all the positive energy and encouragement you have always provided me and continue to provide me to this day. Thanks again.
Monday, July 13, 2015
July 11th, 2015
In hopes to help myself process my thoughts and feelings through my struggles dealing with migraines and binge eating disorder, I decided that starting a blog would be a good fit. Heck, if my blog even reaches the eyes of someone who may be coping with or struggling to cope with the same illnesses I am, then my blog could hopefully serve as a beacon to let them know they are not alone. Maybe I might learn other tips or advice along the way.
That being said, today was one of those days where I woke up in the morning and knew that it was going to be a struggle from the start. Today I woke up with my 4th migraine for the week. It wasn't quite full blown but I definitely had the aura going and right sided head pain that I have come to hate. Unfortunately, I did not have the time or luxury to lay in bed with a pillow over my head and wait for my medications to work as Catie was very sick, Kieran was about to wake up, and I had to leave to drive down to Rochester for a health screening clinic I was participating in. So I sucked it up, popped my first Imitrex tablet for the day and began getting ready. It took about 3 hours and an additional 800mg to finally get the headache to calm down. Thankfully it did because just as I realized my headache had let up, I was pulling in the parking lot of the Sam's Club that the clinic was being held at.
Now this blog so far seems to be more about my headaches and less about my binge eating disorder. Well, let's back up and I will shine some light on how the day went with my binge eating. Because I woke up with a migraine going right from the start, I immediately felt like I wanted to shove the closest thing to resembling food I could get my hands on and quickly. Aside from my Imitrex, I immediately began hoping that by eating whatever I could, it would help distract my mind from focusing on the pain of my migraine. Well, eating 4 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch certainly did taste good, but once I felt that familiar feeling of nausea as my stomach was filled to the max, my headache only got more painful. Once the pounding began to increase, I remembered having thoughts of "nothing is ever going to give me relief from any of this" "I swear I am going to live in this hell for a long time and not find any hope of getting better". As I began to hear Kieran waking up on the monitor, my thoughts began to switch to, "I need to get a handle on my eating, if not for me, for my son and wife" "my headaches may cripple me right now, but so help me god, my addiction to food sure as hell isn't going to". After rushing to get Kieran ready for the day, say goodbye to Catie, and drive to Catie's mom's to drop Kieran off, I began noticing that my stomach was having that grumbly hunger type feeling start up. I was confused by this because not just an hour before I had just finish pounding down 4 bowls of cereal. I decided to fight through it and keep telling myself that I don't need to eat right now, my body got plenty of food this morning. This mantra got me through about the next 10 minutes until I pulled over to fill the car up with gas and just kept staring at the golden arches of McDonalds right across the street. That grumbly hunger feeling just got more intense and my depressed feelings about eating a McGriddle sandwich with the sweet tasting syrup in the bun and the saltiness of the hash browns just started taking over. Needless to say I made the short drive to the drive through and in no time was scarfing down that breakfast value meal. It wasn't until 45 minutes later or so that I noticed the feeling of hunger disipate and I could focus on driving and listening to music.
Once I got to the clinic, I was actually excited for a couple reasons: 1.) I was actually going to earn some money and 2.) I was getting to learn some new skillsets to help market me as a nurse in the expansive field of nursing.
That being said, today was one of those days where I woke up in the morning and knew that it was going to be a struggle from the start. Today I woke up with my 4th migraine for the week. It wasn't quite full blown but I definitely had the aura going and right sided head pain that I have come to hate. Unfortunately, I did not have the time or luxury to lay in bed with a pillow over my head and wait for my medications to work as Catie was very sick, Kieran was about to wake up, and I had to leave to drive down to Rochester for a health screening clinic I was participating in. So I sucked it up, popped my first Imitrex tablet for the day and began getting ready. It took about 3 hours and an additional 800mg to finally get the headache to calm down. Thankfully it did because just as I realized my headache had let up, I was pulling in the parking lot of the Sam's Club that the clinic was being held at.
Now this blog so far seems to be more about my headaches and less about my binge eating disorder. Well, let's back up and I will shine some light on how the day went with my binge eating. Because I woke up with a migraine going right from the start, I immediately felt like I wanted to shove the closest thing to resembling food I could get my hands on and quickly. Aside from my Imitrex, I immediately began hoping that by eating whatever I could, it would help distract my mind from focusing on the pain of my migraine. Well, eating 4 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch certainly did taste good, but once I felt that familiar feeling of nausea as my stomach was filled to the max, my headache only got more painful. Once the pounding began to increase, I remembered having thoughts of "nothing is ever going to give me relief from any of this" "I swear I am going to live in this hell for a long time and not find any hope of getting better". As I began to hear Kieran waking up on the monitor, my thoughts began to switch to, "I need to get a handle on my eating, if not for me, for my son and wife" "my headaches may cripple me right now, but so help me god, my addiction to food sure as hell isn't going to". After rushing to get Kieran ready for the day, say goodbye to Catie, and drive to Catie's mom's to drop Kieran off, I began noticing that my stomach was having that grumbly hunger type feeling start up. I was confused by this because not just an hour before I had just finish pounding down 4 bowls of cereal. I decided to fight through it and keep telling myself that I don't need to eat right now, my body got plenty of food this morning. This mantra got me through about the next 10 minutes until I pulled over to fill the car up with gas and just kept staring at the golden arches of McDonalds right across the street. That grumbly hunger feeling just got more intense and my depressed feelings about eating a McGriddle sandwich with the sweet tasting syrup in the bun and the saltiness of the hash browns just started taking over. Needless to say I made the short drive to the drive through and in no time was scarfing down that breakfast value meal. It wasn't until 45 minutes later or so that I noticed the feeling of hunger disipate and I could focus on driving and listening to music.
Once I got to the clinic, I was actually excited for a couple reasons: 1.) I was actually going to earn some money and 2.) I was getting to learn some new skillsets to help market me as a nurse in the expansive field of nursing.
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