July 11th, 2015

In hopes to help myself process my thoughts and feelings through my struggles dealing with migraines and binge eating disorder, I decided that starting a blog would be a good fit.  Heck, if my blog even reaches the eyes of someone who may be coping with or struggling to cope with the same illnesses I am, then my blog could hopefully serve as a beacon to let them know they are not alone.  Maybe I might learn other tips or advice along the way.

That being said, today was one of those days where I woke up in the morning and knew that it was going to be a struggle from the start.  Today I woke up with my 4th migraine for the week.  It wasn't quite full blown but I definitely had the aura going and right sided head pain that I have come to hate.  Unfortunately, I did not have the time or luxury to lay in bed with a pillow over my head and wait for my medications to work as Catie was very sick, Kieran was about to wake up, and I had to leave to drive down to Rochester for a health screening clinic I was participating in.  So I sucked it up, popped my first Imitrex tablet for the day and began getting ready.  It took about 3 hours and an additional 800mg to finally get the headache to calm down.  Thankfully it did because just as I realized my headache had let up, I was pulling in the parking lot of the Sam's Club that the clinic was being held at.

Now this blog so far seems to be more about my headaches and less about my binge eating disorder.  Well, let's back up and I will shine some light on how the day went with my binge eating.  Because I woke up with a migraine going right from the start, I immediately felt like I wanted to shove the closest thing to resembling food I could get my hands on and quickly.  Aside from my Imitrex, I immediately began hoping that by eating whatever I could, it would help distract my mind from focusing on the pain of my migraine.  Well, eating 4 bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch certainly did taste good, but once I felt that familiar feeling of nausea as my stomach was filled to the max, my headache only got more painful.  Once the pounding began to increase, I remembered having thoughts of "nothing is ever going to give me relief from any of this" "I swear I am going to live in this hell for a long time and not find any hope of getting better".  As I began to hear Kieran waking up on the monitor, my thoughts began to switch to, "I need to get a handle on my eating, if not for me, for my son and wife" "my headaches may cripple me right now, but so help me god, my addiction to food sure as hell isn't going to".  After rushing to get Kieran ready for the day, say goodbye to Catie, and drive to Catie's mom's to drop Kieran off, I began noticing that my stomach was having that grumbly hunger type feeling start up.  I was confused by this because not just an hour before I had just finish pounding down 4 bowls of cereal.  I decided to fight through it and keep telling myself that I don't need to eat right now, my body got plenty of food this morning.  This mantra got me through about the next 10 minutes until I pulled over to fill the car up with gas and just kept staring at the golden arches of McDonalds right across the street.  That grumbly hunger feeling just got more intense and my depressed feelings about eating a McGriddle sandwich with the sweet tasting syrup in the bun and the saltiness of the hash browns just started taking over.  Needless to say I made the short drive to the drive through and in no time was scarfing down that breakfast value meal.  It wasn't until 45 minutes later or so that I noticed the feeling of hunger disipate and I could focus on driving and listening to music.

Once I got to the clinic, I was actually excited for a couple reasons: 1.) I was actually going to earn some money and 2.) I was getting to learn some new skillsets to help market me as a nurse in the expansive field of nursing.