June 29th - Frustration

So it has been quite a few days since my last post and I wish I could just say it has been because I have been procrastinating.  Unfortunately, this past week has been so mentally and physically taxing due to migraines and as a result increased depression and urges to binge.

With regards to migraines, the one positive I have had is that my Topamax is causing my migraines to not come on as strong as fast.  However, they are still occurring quite frequently.  While I understand that today is still not over, today is the only day this week I have not had a migraine.  Also, I have begun to realize that one of my new triggers is loud noises.  More specifically, Kieran has begun to really develop his personality and voice.  When he wants something, is frustrated, tired, or crabby he is beginning to scream at the top of his lungs or get extremely loud.  A perfect example is yesterday I had a headache for a good portion of the day but was able to finally get it to go away.  However, later in the day, Kieran and I were running some errands and he started just screaming in the back of the car for whatever reason and I could literally feel my head just tighten up and the headache pain startup.  By the time we got home I was in full blown migraine mode and had to do yet another one of my injections.  While I am trying to stay positive that my migraines are not getting as severe as before, I am still getting frustrated as hell at having more days than not having to be in pain.  Second, I am struggling with trying to figure out how to cope with when Kieran does his screaming because I obviously can't avoid my son.  Only time will tell I guess.

On the binge eating side of things, the urges have been persistent with averaging about twice per day. However, I have been following what my nutritionist recommended with eating high protein meals for breakfast every morning instead of eating cereal.  So I have been eating at least a couple eggs with cheese and some bacon.  By doing this, it has allowed me to keep the intensity of the cravings reduced significantly.  Also, I have found that the Topamax that I have been taking for my migraines have been starting to reduce my hunger cravings as well.  Specifically, when I go to eat my meals, I can't stand to eat nowhere near the portions I used to before.  While I look to this as another positive, I don't view this as a permanent future solution as I would rather be able to control my portion sizes naturally instead of with the use of medicines.

As a resource to leave you all with, I leave you with another song that I have used for inspiration to get me through tough times.  I have also used a music video that was created to go along with this song as well.  I hope you enjoy.

As always, thank you all for your support.

Danny Gokey - Hope In Front Of Me  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nL_9FB8pic