Every New Beginning, Comes From Some Other Beginnings End...

Writing a new blog post has been long overdue.  I have to admit that things have been crazy busy and I have been finding myself slipping farther and farther away from my road to recovery.  Let's take an inventory where things are right now.  I no longer go to the eating disorder clinic as I have lost all drive to stick with the treatment plan for several reasons.  My migraines have begun to make a pretty strong comeback.  My energy level is to a point where I have to take at least one nap if not two each and every day.  While my binges are not as frequent, my relationship with food still is with large portions and emotionally driven.

To try and get a grip on my eating, I have been looking for a different approach.  What I have found is a support group and different approach to the treatment of over/binge eating.  After one meeting, I am quite positive about continuing along this path.  Having the ability to talk to others about their struggles and what they have done to stay in recovery.  Also, I have realized through a significant about of internal reflection, I have been only focusing on the physical and psychological aspect of binge eating.  Many of you may think, well that covers pretty much everything that would need to be covered in treatment.  Well as a nurse, I realized that this does not take the entire holistic approach to treatment.  Not just in treatment but in many other aspects I have realized that I need to focus on my spiritual needs.  Recently I watched a speech on YouTube made by one of the actors that was in the movie Courageous.  I have posted comments about this movie in the past but for whatever reason, this speech sparked a huge spiritual fire in me that made me realize that God is ready and willing to help guide me through this difficult time, it is up to me to make the first move and embrace his teachings and guidance.  In this speech I watched, here is the excerpt that got me thinking about my current state of affairs spiritually.  It was given at a workshop/seminar where the actor was there to help guide men in attendance through the process of becoming better husbands and fathers:

"I got three questions for you.  Before we even get started.  First question is, if not you then who?  If you don't stand for your family then who will.  If you don't make a stand to believe in God, and what the power of Christ can do in your life then who will.  If not you then who, If not now then when?  We've made all kind of excuses "I'll do it tomorrow, I'll do it next week, I'll do it on Easter, I'll do it on Christmas, I promise you I will.  But we never get to that chance".  If not now then when.  If not you then who, if not now then when, if not here then where?  Where are you going to do it?  I'll just wait until I get back to my car and then I will do it.  The Lord is waiting on you, he's waiting... If you need to do business with God, then you get out of your seat, come down to the altar and do your business with God.  That is what tonight is about, being Courageous.  Stepping out in place of your fear and moving toward the cross.  It isn't about watching Courageous, it is about BEING courageous."

I have realized that God has always been ready to guide me through these difficult times.  However, instead of embracing him and the teachings of Christ, I have looked the opposite way and focused more on the things that have distracted me from following God, and looking to him for his guidance.  As was said in the speech, the Lord has been waiting for me, I just needed to get myself off my chair and look towards the cross to get better.  I have given in to fear and not be courageous about my relationship with God.

One scripture passage that was quoted in this speech really tied this together in my head and got me focusing on my journey forward, not the present or the past.  In Romans 12:2, it says "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God".  It is time to stop conforming to the fact that I have a disease and to renew my thoughts, prayers, and actions that focuses more on the guidance from God's teachings on what I need to do to get better.  I need to renew my mind away from the thinking that while I have a mental condition that causes me to association my emotions with eating food.  What I new to renew my thoughts, prayers, and actions on are that I am powerless over my eating and emotions.  However, I need to also focus on the fact that I am not alone in my journey now with God as my savior and guidance along with my family and friends for support.  Again in this speech I watched, Keven Bevel talks about the day he made the choice to be courageous and believe in the fact that the Lord Jesus Christ is his personal savior.  What he described was an event where a stranger came up to him during a very difficult time in his life and asked the question "Do you know that the Lord Jesus Christ is your personal savior?"  Ken responded with the answer "No but I need to".  Today is the day that I choose to turn from my current path and embrace the Lord Jesus Christ as my savior.

I now realize that God has a plan for me in this life.  If it is writing my story through the struggles of binge eating and other negatives to help people in their journey of recovery, then so be it.  If it is to be a nurse and help all patients and families in their difficult time, then so be it.  No matter what, it is my time to stand up and be courageous to the fact that God will know what I can handle and provide me with all the tools and support I will need to fulfill my purpose in life.

Now that I am at the beginning of the crossroads of recovery, you may ask how will I focus my time and energy to get better.  Out of the movie Courageous, there was a bible study program that was created to allow men to transform and renew their mind on the priorities of their life in a way where God becomes the primary focus in their life followed by the prioritizing of being a more devoted and loving husband and father.  If any of you have seen the movie, you know how the male figures in the movie find a way to turn their focus on this path.  They turn to scripture and devotion to fulfill different acts of faith and transformation with the culmination of signing a resolution.  This resolution follows the same philosophy of what is said in Luke 9:23.  It says, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me".  It is in this passage and God's teachings that I have decided to take up the cross and work over the next few months work to refocus my mind in preparation of making the following resolution and commitment this summer before and to God, my friends, and family:

"I XXXXXX, do solemnly resolve before God.  To take full responsibility for myself, my wife, and my children.  I will love them, protect them, and serve them.  And teach them the statues of God as a spiritual leader of my home.  I will be faithful to my wife, to love and honor her.  And be willing to lay down my life for her as Christ did for me.  I will teach my son to love God with all of his heart, all of his mind, and all of his strength.  And I will train him to honor authority and live responsibly.  I will confront evil, pursue justice, and love mercy.  I will treat others with kindness, and compassion.  I will work diligently to provide for the needs of my family.  I will forgive those who have wronged me, and reconcile with those whom I have wronged.  I will walk in integrity as a man answerable to God.  I will seek to honor God, obey his word, and do his will. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord".

As I prepare to make this resolution this summer, I invite all of my friends and family to partake and attend this special day when I plan to commit to, recite, and sign this resolution.  As the time get's closer I will let you all know a more specific date, time, and place.

Below I have posted both the video clip from the movie Courageous where the husband/father's in the movie make this resolution to show an example of what all is involved in the process.  I have also posted the recording/video of Ken Bevel's speech I referenced in this blog.

As always, I encourage everyone to like, share, copy/paste, or whatever social media method you choose to acknowledge this blog so that my message of hope and the possibility of recovery can reach others in a way that they will see that they are not alone in their journey and do not have to suffer in silence. Thank you all for your love, support, and encouragement and you can all look forward to more frequent posts from here on out as I chronicle my journey.

Courageous, Resolution Ceremony

Ken Bevel's Speech, Courage At The Crossroads