With the weather perfect and just cool enough to keep the bugs away, we set out to tackle our adventure and at the start I was determined to finish this hike at all costs.
The farther we got into the hike, I began to feel this odd feeling stir inside me that I had not felt in a very very long time. With each difficult hill climb or point where I was feeling a little winded or tired, I kept thinking about the goal of finishing the hike and that I have everything in me to do this hike. About half way through the hike we came to a point where there was an extremely scenic point to the path and for some reason it started to make things clear as to the feelings I was experiencing since the start of the hike.
It was at this point that I remembered back to almost 5-6 years ago when I ran my very first race which was a 10k at the Northland Arboretum in Brainerd, MN. I began to realize that when I was running that race and the others that followed (half marathons, Twin Cities Marathon, Grandmas Marathon), it was one of the purest internal happiest feelings I had had and could take away all stress that I was experiencing and I felt so go physically and mentally at that time. Ironically enough, we came to a part of the trail that literally seemed to follow my entire thought journey through this whole epiphany. We came to a fork in the road that had so much symbolism to it at the time I just started to smile.
While we had a map and knew which path to take for the Hiking Club, I just stopped and took in what this image meant to me. To the left was the flat and easy path that would just keep us on the continued boring path of views of tall grass and obstructed views to the St. Croix river bluffs. To the right was a long steep difficult climb which would reward us with some of the most beautiful scenic views in the park. I began to think that for the past several years after finishing my two marathons, I have done nothing but taking the easy paths to get through left and rarely challenged myself. Even when I would challenge myself, I wouldn't give my full effort and often times would cave in to the pressure and stress and allow it all to overtake me and slip in to difficult times. So, it was then that I decided, today was the day that I start taking on the challenges of life head-on and not be afraid of what may come. I powered right on up the hill and when I got to the top with Catie and Kieran, the views we saw were absolutely spectacular.
This was the point where I knew exactly what I am going to do from this point forward. We finished the trail and I decided that when we left the park, my next journey would be to overcome binge eating disorder by any means necessary and work to be able to at least run 5K's and 10K's so that I have an avenue to run races and enjoy that time of lining up at a starting line and the rush of crossing the finish line and donning that medal. I am nearing the 1yr anniversary of being diagnosed with binge eating disorder and I have let it go on far to long taking over my life and my emotions.
What gave me the final catalyst to ignite this fire that was smoldering throughout the day into a massive brushfire was a song I came across on YouTube later in the evening. I was catching up on videos that I missed on vlog channels that I watch and on the channel for Mcjuggernuggets, which is an individual who post funny videos of pranks and other similar videos. Many of you probably saw a video of his recently where his dad ran over several of his Xbox games with a riding lawn mower. Well I decided to look at his girlfriends channel, Juliette Reilly, and was surprised by a new original song she had just released that had a message that completely synced with the feelings I was feeling throughout the day. Her new song is entitled "Hero" and talks about how no matter what you are going through in your life, if someone is making you feel small or unworthy of love, you can be your own hero. You are not your mistakes, and you are not who anybody else says you are. This song speaks volumes to the message I am trying to get out there to anyone who may be dealing with an eating disorder and feel they are alone and weak. There are so many people out there to support you and help you along the way. But, you can be your own hero and write your own great future. It just takes a single step forward to get help.
I reached out to Juliette Reilly and got permission to post her song below and write up a little bit about it. I want to thank her first for the permission to post the song. More importantly, I want to thank her for writing this song as it can serve as such an inspiration for others that use music as a medium like I do to express and connect their feelings to cope with life. This is such a great message and glad to pass it along.
Steve, love your message... We all get to those forks in the road. And we tend to take what we think is the best route or easiest, and dont get very far. I am so proud of how you are looking at the whole picture. Someone once told me, "Not everything we face in life can be changed, but nothing can be changed without facing it" You are facing it... Mom
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